Saturday, December 20, 2008

the apple and the tree

My dad, God rest his soul, was the biggest pain in the ass at Christmas. As if he wasn't the single hardest person to buy for, the minute anyone would think of something he might like he'd duck out and buy it for himself. DUDE! come on! Give a girl a break. I can only handle so many trips to Ace hardware before I lose my mind - for the love of all that's holy, STOP BUYING CRAP DAYS BEFORE CHRISTMAS MAN!!!

Oh how I wish it were that simple. You see, I am my father. Ever since I could remember, my dad and I would marvel at our similarities. How we cross our arms left over right, how our thumbs don't bend back like mom's or my brother's, how our noses are both crooked even though his was broken and mine wasn't, how we both lean back and rest our head in our finger laced hands. It shouldn't be a surprise to find myself at the business end of a sales counter days before Christmas.

Yesterday was "Santa better get his sweet ass in gear and buy some presents" day. Peter and I hooked up at lunch with plans to hit the mall. Something I don't recommend unless absolutely necessary! Good lord we waited way too long, and the mall was INSANE, but it had to be done. We had nothing for these children. NOTHING! On the way we stopped at Circuit City to check out the going out of business sale cuz we're good parents like that and why not check out some electronics for ourselves on the afternoon we've slated to buy for the kids? RIGHT? There could be a gigantic plasma that needs a home in our bedroom so mommy and daddy can watch "movies" during our "nap" time. These are things that make mommies and daddies happy. Everyone knows that if mommy ain't happy, ain't nobody happy, right? yeah, thanks for that validation Dr. Phil.

Strolling through the store I found, fell in love, and subsequently mated with, a wide screen laptop. After much deliberation, we (read peter) decided we (again, read peter!) should wait till we did the taxes and then get me one that wasn't a floor model. This would be fine for normal people, but I'm not normal like AT ALL and wanted it now!! Have we not covered this??? But he's brilliant and I trust him. He's just the right amount of practical and I left believing I would get my computer before technology advanced so far that chips were implanted in your forehead rendering laptops as antiquated as fax machines.

I thought that way for exactly seventeen and a half hours. Right until the store opened again the next day. I drug my nappy headed, bra less self with two girls in tow to the store at 9:59 am, credit card in hand. I walked in, found the laptop, licked the top of it and requested the nice girl to unlock it so I could consummate our relationship. 12 minutes later I was the proud owner, and wife, to this amazing machine.

I know what you're thinking. I should have waited so Peter could to buy it for me for Christmas. I promise you, there was no way in hell he was going to do that. I never know what he's going to buy me, but I always know what he's not going to buy me. and this, my friends, was one thing he was never going to buy me for Christmas. OH NO NO NO! Promise. Call him if you don't believe me. Wasn't going to happen.

Besides, we'd already gotten each other our present. We were at Costco a couple weeks ago and ran into a road show. After a couple longing glances at this presentation we went for it and spurgled on the most romantic gift of all time!




the Little Giant ladder system. As I said before, I shit you not. and no, neither of us have filed papers. We're both delighted with this purchase. I'm sitting in my big chair, laptop in place, blogging about it to prove it. And I can't even imagine how proud of me my daddy must be right now.



Beth said...

You are hysterical. Congrats on the purchase! I feel like I indirectly had a hand in it somehow... ;)

m = michelle said...

dude, you so did!!! For those confused. I ran into, or really, beth's hubby and girls ran into me at Circuit City right in the middle of this entire process. Sean totally helped me out, mainly by not picking a 'side' but sticking to facts blah blah blah. Pretty muche exactly what beth does :)

oh and beth, can I have your girls??? please? they are too damn cute! seriously!

Dust and Maddy said...

You CRACK me up, nappy head, and bra-less boobies and all. So glad Beth could witness it all -- where was her camera?

angieinpink said...


ps: myron is a big fan of the little giant, also.

i'm glad "santa" was good to you this year! (:

Kaelene said...

Bwahahahahaha . . . you are so funny! I will tell the IT guy at work to forget about reserving a laptop for you!
Merry Christmas, Bill and Michelle!

m = michelle said...

haha thanks Kaelene. I should have called you! I clearly lost mind mind after we talked :)

Kerry said...

Well crap, now I have to take the laptop I bought you back to the store. :(

Do I still get credit? It's the thought that counts right?

I love the new computer!

scrapmom4 said...

Hilarious! I love the "licked it" part. Good for you. Merry Shopping...I mean, um, Christmas!

Rachael Giallongo said...

Hahahahaha, I have seen this informercial numerous times (Why? I dont know.) It looks awesome!